This Year, I Resolve to Stop Listening to Terrible Music

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This Year, I Resolve to Stop Listening to Terrible Music
by Nick Law - December 26, 2008

As we say our tearful goodbyes to yet another year and welcome in the new, so too must we stick with the time-honored tradition of the New Year’s resolution. Every year, people come up with something they did throughout the previous year that made them unhappy and resolve to never do it again. Like everyone else, I thought long and hard about what my New Year’s resolution should be this year and decided to be a little bit different.

Unlike the rare, hard to find music of the new and used record stores, terrible music seems to be everywhere these days. I can’t even tell you the last time I listened to FM radio, due mostly to the fact that my ears just couldn’t take any more Kelly Clarkson. Seriously, they were starting to bleed (oh, and by the way, Kelly Clarkson is about the furthest thing in the world from being “Miss Independent”).

This year, my New Year’s resolution would be: no more awful music in my life. Obviously this is quite a task. There are just some scenarios where it’s impossible to escape the bad music. For example, it seems like the song “Africa” by Toto is playing every time I walk into Target. No, seriously. Go to Target, I bet it’s playing right now.

Sporting events are another problem. I just know that I can’t get through one anymore without hearing “Paper Planes” by M.I.A. But since I refuse to be one of those guys who brings his headphones and an AM radio to the ballpark (images of Steve Bartman are flashing through my head), I suppose I’ll just have to suck it up and endure.

In order to see this resolution through, I’ll have to start making some changes in my life. For starters, no more free concerts in the park. Nobody has put on a good free show in the park since Garth Brooks in 1998, and back then I’ll even bet fans had to suffer through a few Chris Gaines tunes. From now on, I’ll have to pay to go downtown and see shows just like everybody else my age.

The one drawback about this plan is that it doesn’t help to eliminate the terrible music from last year that’s already stuck in my head. “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry will forever be trapped in my sub conscience and I’m afraid that’s just something I’m gonna have to live with. If only I could get that Eternal Sunshine surgery. Or maybe a hammer would be cheaper.

That’s the whole beauty of New Year’s. We all realize that the last year sucked and we’re so anxious to move on that we create resolutions and have parties. Seriously, I think it’s the only thing keeping Dick Clark alive at this point, while Ryan Seacrest lurks in the shadows just waiting for his chance to become “Dick Clack version 2.0”.

Now that I’m officially off track, I’d like to end by wishing everyone a Happy New Year. If you need me, I’ll be hung over and watching football.

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