Helpful Tips For Getting Through Awful Christmas Music

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Helpful Tips For Getting Through Awful Christmas Music
by Nick Law - December 25, 2008

Being that today is Christmas and I’ve already made my decisions for the 12 best Christmas songs of all time, I think it’s only appropriate that we take a moment to reflect on who’s been naughty all these years. There are a few Christmas songs out there that it seems we can’t help but hear year after year. Sure, you may try to change the radio station in your family’s Dodge Caravan on the way to your Aunt Carolyn’s house for another awkward Christmas get together, but chances are that if one station is playing it, they’re all playing it.

There is a way to make the situation better, however. Just do what I do and make a game out of it. For example, every time you hear “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses, you want to go on a murderous rampage, right? Sure, we’ve all had that same initial reaction to this yearly traditional version of nails on a chalk board, but before you decide to pick up that board with the nail sticking out of it, try counting to 10 first. Then, make up some rules. I personally like to do a shot every time I hear this song. Peppermint Schnapps is always a fun holiday favorite and it’s sure to make the lead vocals of Patty Donahue that much more tolerable. Just don’t drink and drive gang!

Then there’s “Happy Christmas (Was is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. You know the one. It’s that song that Sam and Brenda from accounting sang on karaoke at last year’s company Christmas party after six margaritas and a round of car bombs. For a song that’s supposed to have such a sweet and genuine message, I can’t help but wonder what it is about this one that always makes me think the worst about the entire human race. Maybe it’s all this holiday stress talking, but if I have to listen to this song one more time today I just might put my head through a wall.

Luckily, there is something you can do. To ease the pain of Yoko Ono’s shrill, haunting voice, I recommend finding that family member who has a drum set in his room (every family has one, trust me). If the drum solo from Tom Sawyer doesn’t drown out this song, nothing will. Or do shots. I hear those work pretty well too.

Aside from that, I’m sorry that I can’t be of more help to you today. Just remember to set your Tivo to record around It’s a Wonderful Life and you should be all set. There’s nothing worse than turning it on just at the point where George is overjoyed at the fact that all the town’s people paid him not to kill himself. Honestly, what kind of message is that trying to send us? If you ask me, it’s movies and songs like the aforementioned that give Christmas a bad name. Just give me a turkey, some pumpkin pie, the original cartoon Grinch (not that Jim Carrey crap) and I’m all set.

Merry Christmas everyone!

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